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> Random Jokes!, Post the funnay!
jammer
post Jan 8 2010, 10:46 AM
Post #91


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Guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. Looks and spots a jar full of money. He asked the bartender

Guy "hey whats goning on? yall got a bet going on?"

Bartender "shure do, the bet is if you can make my horse laugh you get the whole jar of money, but if you dont you got to put $20 in the jar."

The guy taks a shot walks out back to the horse. Comes back in and grabs the jar of money and walks out. Theold man walks out back and see's his horse laughing his ass off.

2 weeks later

Guy walks into the same bar. Orders another drink. Spots the jar.

guy "what is the bet this time?"

bartender "if you can make my horse cry you get the whole jar, but if not you put the $20 in the jar"

So the guy takes a shot walks out back, comes back in a few minutes later.

Guy "your horse is cryin"

bartender "what did you do to get him to laugh and then cry?"

guy "first time i told him i had a bigger dick, the second time i proved it"

The guy grabs his jar of money and walks out the door.

This post has been edited by jammer: Jan 8 2010, 10:47 AM
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Spectre
post Jan 10 2010, 09:17 AM
Post #92


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A kindergarten teacher addresses her class.

"The word of the day is 'mushroom'. Can any of you use the word 'mushroom' in a sentence?"
Jill raises her hand and says "I like mushrooms on my salad."
The teacher says "Very good. Billy, can you use mushroom in a sentence?"
Billy says "My dad grows mushrooms in his garden."
Again the teacher congratulates the useage and asks "Jose, can you use mushroom in a sentence?"
Jose responds, "When my family goes riding in the car, there no mushroom"
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TomStratRT04
post Jan 10 2010, 10:32 AM
Post #93


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QUOTE (Spectre @ Jan 10 2010, 02:17 PM) *
A kindergarten teacher addresses her class.

"The word of the day is 'mushroom'. Can any of you use the word 'mushroom' in a sentence?"
Jill raises her hand and says "I like mushrooms on my salad."
The teacher says "Very good. Billy, can you use mushroom in a sentence?"
Billy says "My dad grows mushrooms in his garden."
Again the teacher congratulates the useage and asks "Jose, can you use mushroom in a sentence?"
Jose responds, "When my family goes riding in the car, there no mushroom"


That's funny as shit...because it's true! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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Pearl01stratcpe
post May 13 2011, 01:09 PM
Post #94


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Back from the dead with a mediocre joke.



The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
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capacel
post May 11 2017, 11:05 AM
Post #95


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My favorite joke ever (it's worth the read, believe me!):
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'
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capacel
post May 21 2017, 02:32 AM
Post #96


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What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree?
A pool table. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
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